Just plain lost

by Sharonda
(Durham north Carolina )

I don't have the slightest idea of what or who I am. I don't even know what I want. I know I want to be wealthy but how, my guess is as good as yours. I can describe my self as a jack of many trades but the thing I'm passionate about I just don't know. I'm a mother of two young I know I can but it something that's just stop my own progress I most often just want to throw the towel in. I feel if I'm overwhelmed. I cry now. I feel if I have let myself down my kids down I love them I would like the best for them but I find myself each day letting them down. I can't seem to stop my self. I'm a smart girl I think I even recognized it but to change it your guess good as mine I just don't know I work but my bills are more than I bring in I pray I have dreams of just being a powerful woman but I'm such a fragile soul I try to belong. I don't like to disappoint anyone but I do most of all I disappoint myself my children I have tried suicide that didn't work so here I am with two kids an don't know which way to go. I am strong but I'm not. I let family control what how I should live my life I give other people too much power over me and my childrens life. They say it is best for me what they tell me but my biggest thing they made there mistake Why can't I. I know I will suffer the consequences of my choices I just don't know I wonder why did god place me here with the taste of champagne with beer budget money I know the lavish life style is for me but to get there is a whole other story I know it in me to be a successful powerful woman Ive have had dreams an see myself there just don't know the process to bring it forth I'm ready to give up being a mother a friend daughter sister Im hurting not seeing my life better. I'm a procrastinator I don't plan I waste more time doing nothing than working on my better tomorrow I have excuses after excuses an need an acceptance from everyone I come in contact with. What's wrong with me I need help to make a better me for my family.